When your days are measured by dishes in the sink. How full to overflowing the laundry basket is. How many nappies you have washed/ changed. How many times you have stood in the kitchen, blankly staring at the fridge; an array of uncooked ingredients, your mind numb as to what to cook AGAIN for the babies, for the toddler, no time for mum to eat.
When your days are measured by tantrums, tears, teething, bumped heads, grazed knees, “Get down from theres” Stop doing thats” “What did I just says” and of course the good old “right i’m gonna count to one….two…..threes”
There’s only a couple of things that will save your fragile mind, that will give you space when you are caught in a toddler whirlwind, that will bring you freedom when you are oppressed; domineered by your tiny dictator and that is to seek and cherish those seemingly insignificant moments, the space, the calm, the empty ones – no highs or lows. moments of nothingness.
There’s a moment, when twin one closes her eyes eventually falling asleep after rocking her/ cradling her for an hour longer than twin two, as she battles sleep, but is no longer able to fight, her eyelids close, her breath deepens… there’s a moment, as brief as it may be….quick, inhale deeply, notice areas of tension, a tight neck: drop those shoulders, a locked jaw, clenched teeth, soften that jaw, adjust your posture. And then as quickly as you exhale, twin two’s breath changes, there’s a movement and his eyes are wide, there’s no going back to sleep.
There’s a moment, dishes are done. Hot, soapy suds still fill the sink. You prep the food. Throw them some raw tidbits while you cook, just before the “h-anger” (hunger induced anger -you’d think they’d never been fed before) takes hold and your day would descend in to hunger driven tantrums, kick offs and a spiral of misery, where an emotionally charged toddler sabotages every aspect of the day, unknowing of their anguish but ensuring everyone else knows about it… and it all started from a grumbly tummy… but I digress. The meal’s ready, its time for the food bomb, stains and smooshed food on every item of clothing, up the nose, in the hair, on the floor.
There was a moment. Just as you plated the food up, the kids sat quietly smiling, ready to eat… breathe into it, that brief accomplished moment lean into it, cradle a warm cuppa, then exhale into the mess, time to go again.
There are so many tiny insignificant moments, that if you aren’t looking, you wont see, but they hold the key to you observing and seeing all you achieve in the ever churning tides of raising three smalls.
There are tiny brief moments of reflection where if you really stop and see,
You can breathe in the love you have for your children and breathe out the exhaustion and frustration
These little spaces help you find the flow again, ready for the next crazy chaotic coursing river of childhood shenanigans.
Stay strong mama