Mother, you did yourself an injustice.
But mainly, and heartbreakingly so, you did our daughters the greatest injustice.
You looked on through eyes full of judgement and fear.
Judging your own child’s behaviour,
measuring her against her peers,
questioning and counting her “inadequacies”,
not trusting in the flow of her own unique development.
And Mother, as a result you judged our children too,
you catalogued and numbered their learning experiences
and labelled them as bad.
You tarnished their childhood innocence with adult intention
Where there was learning you perceived malicious intent.
Where there was development on both sides (your child and mine) you stunted their growth,
You damaged that process with your own negative perception of the world.
And then you stopped watching your child, and kept your eyes only on mine.
Where I saw interaction and reaction, you only saw action
You only saw what you were looking for.
and you judged
and you blamed MY child
You wanted to see your child as a victim, so it would excuse your behaviours
Justify the injustices you were about to commit.
And you brought discord.
And in a circle of children who had all grown together for one to two years,
with parents trying to act with wisdom
mothers who stepped back to let their children’s behaviours unfold in a natural organic flow
In a playground where we didn’t judge our children or theirs,
we didnt label them,
we guided them:
through the non sharing, the difficulties in playing together, the tantrums, the bonding, the learning growing process.
And you polluted it!
And you have polluted them.
Where others brought understanding. You brought toxicity.
And now your child, breaking in the same ways that you are broken,
mirroring your harmful behaviours
Now she is the one to watch, picking on, excluding, judging, manipulating.
And my child, she is working through her behaviours, learning to help, to share, to be more gentle, to be open, to be more inclusive, to communicate her emotions without acting on them first.
And as our children flourish, yours becomes more closed.
Open your eyes, mother.
This journey isnt about policing our children, it’s about guiding them as they find their way.
Open your eyes mother.
It is not right to instil in your child the qualities that you are instilling.
I dont want my child to live within self imposed limitations, fear of not fitting in.
So as you teach your child to exclude and keep others separate,
I teach my daughter to trust her inner light,
that when other children are learning in their own way,
travelling their own path, finding their own feet,
exploring new friends,
though it might make my daughter feel sad,
feel like crying,
there is a well of infinite happiness inside her that is unaffected.
Her light still shines, deeply within
I teach my child to respond with compassion,
and when she lapses and sticks her tongue out at others, shouts or bosses,
I remind her of the importance of being gentle,
Of riding the wave of bending in the breeze.
Of being ready to change with the tides
and you, you have encouraged the dirty looks, the hardness, the insults, the bitchiness, the bad feeling and the bad behaviour.
You tried to make a victim out of my child, to raise yours higher in her social standing.
But instead you taught her a fatal flaw:
That your child’s worth comes from a social status in life, and she should do what she can, no matter whether that is good
to fit in.
Good luck mother, I hope she grows out of it and sees the error of your way.
I hope you can undo what you have done.
In the meantime, I am dealing with tears and sadness and am treating them with love,
and the backlash of anger from a child confused, ashamed, unsure
Abandoned by playmates who she utterly adored
While I liberate my child from this blind carousel, you tie your child in: whispering, poisoning her life,
with the pain that you carry, but dont wish to change.
You’re just repeating the pattern, looking for others to blame
I my heart bleeds for the kids that you’ve tangled within, including your own
I hope compassion will win