a work in progress (first draft) just like motherhood really

I am mother
Oppugned and eroded
By sleepless ceaseless nights and days and nights
Nights
Endless nights
Who I was before
I am no more
She is gone
Crushed beneath the weight of motherhood
Beneath the needs of her offspring
Body broken, bearing her babes
Into this world
Misplaced dreams of who she was, where she was going, what life was about
Lost

I am mother
Unearthed, set free
By love filled, beauty full nights and days and nights
Days and nights that pass too quickly
Who I was before
I am no more
She is gone
A bud, that slowly opened and blossomed into colourful blooms of motherhood
Or more so, an autumn tree that burst in glorious colours, erupting in beauty, shedding life, letting go
Body opened, bearing her babes
Into this world
Realised. New dreams of who she is, where she is going, what life is about
Found

A mother blind to her beauty,
Unknowing of her strength,
Doubting of her self:
her ability
her resilience
Her mind, her body, unaware of her strength of spirit
Of her strength in the relentlessness of ever needing babes, meeting their ever changing needs
She sees only a tired body, feels only tired bone and limbs
Stretched, broken open, skin that no longer fits,
A body that no longer has its youth
She fails to see the beauty in her weather worn, life giving, child growing body, fails to marvel at the beauty captured in her widened hips, her broadened shoulders, her full, life giving breasts: Her mother’s body
She doesn’t feel able
Or adequate, enough.

Doesn’t see strength in her patience, endless patience

She sees only the weakness in her tired body, tired mind

Then the moment changes
Frustrations, stagnations made clear.
A change, a leap
Love endless love

revelations

mother:
Tired, broken, imperfect, perfect, whole love, intentional, conscious, aware love, ever changing love.
Self love
Realisation
A mother’s love
Complete
Whole
Ever learning
Always giving.
My child,

always your mother

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One thought on “a work in progress (first draft) just like motherhood really

  1. Beautiful, never doubt your own beauty, strength and ability as a person as well as a mother. I wish I were as elequant, you are an amazing person doing a difficult but oh so rewarding job. Raising wonderful children. Bryony (also a mother and now a grandmother)

    Like

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